Review Reliquary - Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Ahoy there! Sure this here review is late, but it's here now, Savvy? Anyway, this week is the latest pirates of the Caribbean, in 3D no less. (Which, I'll admit had as much effect as a colouring book does on world art. 3D is secretly a ploy by which cinema staff are allowed the slight amusement of seeing customers in silly glasses, and by now even that amusement must be wearing thin.) As ever, Johnny Depp steals the show as Cap'n Jack Sparrow now on the hunt for the fountain of youth, or at least I think he is, he seemed more to be tagging along with love of his past Angelica.

Anyway, this time's piratey foe is in the form of Blackbeard, legendary pirate, and competent in voodoo too. (What with the East India Trade Company a tad blown up in last time's adventure I imagine he's had time for a few nightclasses in the supernatural to fill in the time.) Unlike Davy Jones, or Barbossa before him, I didn't find Blackbeard to have much presence as a villain, hell he doesn't even do much more than top one of his entirely mutinous crew during the course of the film, as a vague indication of general villainy I suppose. In fact, even the mermaids are more fearsome than he. There ain't much Under the Sea sing-along with these lot, instead they'll feast on your corpse, having dragged you under. (Makes a change from shellfish every bloody day I suppose)

Captain Jack is pretty much all there is to this thoroughly swashbuckling romp. From hijinks in London with a distinctly Dursley George II, to standard Sparrow antics with Blackbeard and co. he is really all we're watching for, and Depp as ever performs marvellously. (Damn how I envy that London school he visited in character...)

Barbossa reappears as a Privateer, sporting a fetching peg leg, alongside Mr. Gibbs and another cameo from Keith Richards as Sparrow's father, however they all seem to have very little to do in the film, despite Barbossa being central to a "prophecy" mentioned about once in the entire film (unless I missed something) concerning Blackbeard. A new addition is Phillip Swift, missionary who I could spend a paragraph pointing out how bland he is, but why do so when he can be summed up as "meh"? There's some vague subplot involving him falling in love with a mermaid (despite the drowning and face eating problems of such a relationship but hey, he can dream) which I didn't pay much attention to.

Verdict? It doesn't really measure up to the first two outings, but this sequel feels less bloated with extraneous minutes, for which it avoids much more potential criticism I feel. The plot is generally quite bland with little more interest than Captain Jack and the odd pirate-eyness from Barbossa, yet strangely I enjoyed it, and, stranger still I wouldn't mind another outing for our favourite pirates. Don't examine it too closely. Just let it wash over you and you can spend a pleasant hour or two of easy entertainment. Brought to you by: Scamp, peruser of tomes, with a side order of swash.

Review reliquary - Uncharted 2

With the latest installment of Uncharted due out this Autumn, I decided it was time for a replay of it's predecessor: Uncharted 2. First and foremost, this is an interactive movie. This would be quite happy in a cinema near you (which it will be too, but then again Drake may be irreversibly ruined there...)* If you're a fan of epic gunfights against remarkably detailed backdrops then don't bother with the rest of this review, dive in! Bottom line is that it's a great game at any rate.


But of course that wouldn't be a review. Most critics will probably hold up the fact that this game is essentially a modern-day Indiana Jones, which it is, complete with hordes of a surprising amount of same nationality enemies (Seriously, surely there can't be that many eastern-European mercenaries about. Also, how do we know these are the cheapest mercenaries? Isn't there a comparethemercenary.com or something? Or is this just me reading too much into a simple goodies vs. baddies storyline?) Villain financial arrangements aside, the storyline is an enjoyable romp and so what if it's an Indiana Jones copy. I actually like that. Our main character is Nathan "Nate" Drake, a dashing (see up there? There's your standard "dashing" look to the camera) American explorer and thief, oh and he's descended from Sir Francis Drake too. (As Indiana Jones too was so well known for his Elizabethan England connections no doubt.) Thankfully he isn't particularly afflicted with a pained past like so many protagonists these days, in fact he's remarkably upbeat for the entire game.

Last time we were on the trail of Drake's lost treasure. This time around the game's considerably more epic as we search for Marco Polo and the "Cintamani Stone" of Hindu and Buddhist legend. Joining him on his epic quest is Chloe, a feisty Aussie, who by and large bucks the trend of generally whiny companion with "Love interest" emblazoned in neon writing above her head. She can hold her own in battle and doesn't hesitate to dish out cold truths when necessary. As a counterpoint to her sometimes harsh reaction to those around her is Elena. I'm not sure why I've never warmed to Elena, again she doesn't fall into the "damsel in distress" stereotype and yet I still find myself mildly irritated by her, enough so that my hopes were dashed by the end of the game. Either way, they are both decent companions whose repartee with Drake keeps the game bobbing along nicely.

Facing our heroes are Serbian war criminal Lazaravic, head villain visiting various destruction in Drake's general direction. There's not really much to say about him because overall he does very little other than menace. More unforgivable is minor villain Harry Flynn. In general I resent villains being relegated to sounding as if they've been brought up in the most well-to-do areas of the South-East of England. Even more annoying is the insistence that said posh bloke will betray our hero and side with the highest bidder. Why is it that on the one hand we're portrayed as untrustworthy turncoats and on the other hand proclaimed to have a sexy accent. The mind boggles.

Anyway. Gameplay doesn't get more solid than this. Movement is fluid and realistic and thank all ye gods, the cover system doesn't have me dying every 5 minutes cause it won't stick to a wall. In fact, the most remarkable fact of this game it's polish. You won't catch yourself shouting and throwing controllers about anything else but the infuriatingly difficult "Crushing" setting which forces you to re-think strategies that previously allowed you to mow down enemies left right and centre. That being said, you'll generally be finding Drake to be most effective at clearing enemies. Both Chloe and Elena are mostly along for moral support, ocaissionally firing a few shots at your enemies, but little else. Another highlight is the multiplayer modes. They vary from "king of the hill" and "capture the flag" to straightforward kill everything in sight matches. This adds some replayability to the game, using maps lifted out of the story mode to wage large wars against the online hordes. If however, you kind of suck at beating real people (like me) you'll find the co-op missions also provided to be of much more fun. Challenging even on their easiest difficulty settings, you'll find slightly harder than average hordes to fight against with a friend or two.

Overall, Uncharted is a great game that is one of the reasons it's worth buying a PS3 (security disasters aside) So go on. If you haven't already, buy it. It was one of the highlights of 2009 and Uncharted 3 is bound to be the same for 2011. So for now, this is the Scamp, Peruser of tomes, coming to a blog near you.

*Yes! Drake is due on our screens...sometime...portrayed by Mark Wahlberg. Sorry, but Nolan North makes Drake, Drake. oh well, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that Kevin McNally (previously starring as Mr. Gibbs in pirates of the Caribbean) is Sully. I have a feeling he'd be perfect for the role;